There’s no denying that dating in 2023 can be challenging…so many options, apps, and conflicting dating advice on social media platforms.

Don’t forget the pandemic that wiped out a lot of 1:1 dating interaction for two years.

Dating can be overwhelming. Being 35+ can be even more overwhelming if you fall into the pressures of society and its expectations.

Women can find themselves in situations where they develop a scarcity mindset “there are no good men,” which may cause them:

CHOOSE to compromise their boundaries

Fall into people pleasing ways…

leaving them hurt, confused, and frustrated….DISEMPOWERED.

As a Dating Coach, I help women excel in their dating experiences and interactions by building a stronger foundation of confidence, taking ownership of what is within their control, and releasing attachment to outcomes…ultimately them stepping into their power.

After ending my six-year relationship, I experienced and tolerated breadcrumbing.

I was so used to a partner that was genuine that I began to think that he was some kind of unicorn and this was just how dating was these days.

It’s very easy to fall into that trap of thought, and I can promise you, if you do, you’ll have a hard time finding someone.

If that is your pattern of thought, change it, and try —

"There are great men that will honor and respect me, I’m doing the work to bring him to me.”

Here’s the truth…

I wasn’t very discerning in the initial stages of dating (or even up to the point that I met my current partner…who is INCREDIBLE).

I also wasn’t valuing myself in my highest form of who I know I’m here to be, so there’s also that.

Eventually, I realized that my acceptance of allowing this behavior from men was a reflection of the internal work I still needed to do.

Dating is a lot about your own personal work and adding someone to the mix of that.

Breadcrumbing is something you may experience in dating and the best way to combat it is to be aware of the signs and decide that you won’t tolerate being breadcrumbed.

Or as I like to say…embody being the whole loaf….the whole f’cking loaf to be exact. 💅🏾

What Is Breadcrumbing?

There are a few definitions of breadcrumbing, one of which defines it as a form of manipulation.

That feels a bit aggressive, personally (hashtag - I’m a lover, not a fighter).

I’m not discrediting that some men aren’t absolute dickbags—

BUT…

I don’t believe every man that breadcrumbs wakes up and says,

“I can’t wait to f-ck with her head today.”

When you’re dating you will find people at various stages of emotional intelligence and phases of their personal growth journeys.

Dating is a journey of self-discovery alongside others.

You must be mindful that you won’t always be on the same page as someone else.

We are all on our own paths and you can’t make someone jump onto yours.

Here’s my definition of breadcrumbing:

Breadcrumbing is when a man strings you along with just enough attention and/or communication to keep you interested; however, he has no intention of things progressing with you…even though he may have convinced you otherwise.

6 Signs of Breadcrumbing & How I Experienced it in My Single Girl Era:

1. An infrequency of communication.
   He goes days/weeks/months without contacting you, then out of the blue, you get an “I miss you” or “Hey stranger” type of text.

2. A desire to keep things strictly physical.
   He’s down to F, but not open to having connections with you outside of something physical, even though he may tell you things like: “you’re different, I really like you.”

3. Avoiding concrete plans.
   He says he wants to see you again but doesn’t take the initiative to actually make a solid plan with you.

4. Their unavailability (physically).
   He gives you a day that he’s free, but when the day comes he has an excuse as to why he can’t see you. He’ll tell you his next free day and that he wants to see you. Maybe he follows through the next time OR he comes up with yet another excuse.

5. Minimal effort.
   His efforts are minimal as F and he never makes an attempt to take you on a ‘real date.’ Instead, he will hit you up last minute/late night to hang. My favorite…his idea of a date night is you on his couch. #GOFISHBRO

6. Shallow conversation/lack of vulnerability and openness.
   He doesn’t let you in on much of his life and keeps things surface-level. On the other side of this, he may reveal a lot and then disappear/become super avoidant after such an exchange.

Effects of Breadcrumbing

This behavior can make a strong woman that has her shit together feel ‘crazy,’ and defeated. It can cause insecurity as you spend time wondering:

“what is wrong with me?”
“why does he say one thing, and then do another?”

This behavior can also hold you back from other interactions with better, more suited partners as you hold out hope that he’ll eventually come around and treat you in a way that you want to be treated.

The Best Way to Avoid Breadcrumbing:

Two things people tend to struggle with in any kind of relationship are communication and boundaries.

If someone is breadcrumbing you, try this:
- Set and maintain boundaries with yourself and the people that you date
- Have a set of standards for the men you give time, energy, and attention
- Use your words to express how their actions make you feel
- Practice building up your self-esteem and confidence so that you are open for connections that are mutually beneficial

You must also realize that you can’t stop a man from breadcrumbing you.

Why?

You can only be in control of your own actions.

A man can have whatever reasons for breadcrumbing you, but it’s ultimately up to YOU to decide if you are available for that kind of behavior.

Don’t be delusional or live in the ‘what could be’ in your dating life. A man’s actions need to back up his words.

🥂 to being the whole f’cking loaf, bestie!

ILYSM,
Yolanda

P.S. if you’re ready to uplevel your dating experiences, book a FREE 40 min dating consult HERE.